So, since you are actively pursuing whatever I post here, you asked for it. Parental Warning: Lots of talk regarding sex, immoral behavior, and other things probably considered TMI.
Now, my life as of late is insane. I mean my friend circle exploded a few months ago (and I talk about it often). But, you talk about the things you want most resolved. Hence why I used to talk about my love life far more frequently than this topic. But, I have hope that eventually one day I will either stop caring or it will resolve itself. For now, I'm just trying to find friends that I can connect with on a bizarre level. I mean that's why I talk about it so much. I lost one of my friends that I talked to everyday and told everything to. Its difficult to replace the person that was the first person you wanted to tell anything to or the person you could spend hours chatting with about whatever subject popped in your head.
Now, for the sex portion. Oh dear god have I become some kind of whore?!? I think something has just happened with my confidence or whatever because I pretty much have done something with every person I have been attracted to recently. And of course all the awesome stuff is with very unavailable men. I mean this most recent guy who is the only person that the sex has been absolutely awesome on all levels, taken. I mean that's why my friend circle was obliterated in the first place because of this crap and I seemed to have gone right back to doing it. But, the sex is that awesome. And its really hard to come by. Good sex, not sex in general.
Other recent sexcapade is complicated since I'm pretty sure his best friend likes me (I'm not interested). But, the friend is now becoming a jerk towards me and a cock block/ twat swat with any interaction with other dude. I mean I had hopes things wouldn't get awkward and they aren't between me and who I slept with. Just awkward having it involve a third person.
Relationships seem so foreign right now. Not to mention I probably have an extreme amount of trust issues currently. I mean being "the other woman" twice messes with your head in who is actually a decent human being. I mean every person has the capacity to cheat and it seems like a lot of them do. Its just a matter of some clock ticking till it happens. Monogamy is an illusion. And here's the greatest part, they will cheat, get caught, and lie between their teeth till the bitter end. Honesty, the most prized thing for me in every relationship, doesn't seem to exist in people I once thought would have strong integrity. Ugh. And sex ruins my life! Mostly cuz I sleep with friends, but the two non-friends I've slept (or attempted to sleep with since one was impotent) turns out to be a mess too. Girlfriend and psycho. Decisions, decisions. I am just sick and tired of being a dirty little secret. And that seems to be it.
In other news, losing weight really does make you more confident. I mean at least I'm getting laid now. Right? *silver lining*
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