Failboating

Perhaps many already know that another "failboat" has occured. Indeed, my love life is one of fallen hopes, dashed dreams, and empty words. This latest one I try to take less hard. I figure since the person is at a distance I really haven't lost much anyways. I realize how little of my day had to do with him anyways. If anything, it has just cleared up my mind to think of other things. I am sad those other things are largely the stresses of my life but nonetheless it is perhaps healthier to think of those things. Anyways, I suppose the lesson to take from things this time is to simply not try so hard. Doing the vast majority of the legwork is a bad sign. Especially if I am looking for an equal. I suppose I'll just keep my eyes and ears open for opportunity. Maybe some day soon I can play my cards right or fate/timing/what-have-you can send me a break. Yes, still waiting for that day when I can quit searching cuz its still kind of lonely being alone. Till then, jobs, school, family, friends, and movies will have to keep me occupied.

Clash of my Titans

Sometimes, you can kind of catch yourself thinking. Perhaps thinking isn't the right word. Cuz its not just thinking. Its worrying or that talk that just brings you down. Sometimes I really wonder how the voice in my head became the kind of voice I want to drown out. It makes the idea of long hours by myself seem really hard. Especially with no distraction. Granted its not always like this. It seems sitting stationary while thinking is when the monster appears. But driving brings more of a focus towards it. It can let my thoughts reach the emotions they need to. I can cry in my car, speak outloud if necessary. I guess having that cone of silence where no one can hear you and you can just move along from place to place. Having a destination. Having a journey. But anyways, the negative thoughts. I don't know. I just sort of caught myself worrying unnecessarily. Worrying that the quality of someone's reply meant we weren't going to be as good of friends now. But I really think that's jumping the gun. Even then, I've learned that the kind of friends worth having around, are around. Perhaps not in your face about it. But if you were going through a tough time, you know they'd answer the phone kind of friends. This is a really random blog but that's cuz I'm freezing writing it. But, I really just wanted to get some words flowing on how I am. Its a big medley of emotions right now. And perhaps that's some bizarre form of balance cuz I can't really say good or bad. Nor can I say I feel no emotion at all. Its just that feeling you get when a lot of good and a lot of bad meet each other. That's where I'm at.