Elijah

It has now been two years since that tragic day that with each day following I can feel the ripples of its effect. A light in my life went out and its in these dark times in my life I wish I had that beacon of hope. However, it leaves me with the knowledge that I can be loved. That my raw emotion can be appreciated. That how I think is what may in fact be what is attractive about me. I read through an old chat between us and it reminded me that even when I'm all unglued and irrational, I am not terrible for it. Instead, I am genuine. And feeling things and being open about those feelings is not wrong. How I miss him some days. How I miss that laugh, that smile, his words of wisdom, and his real friendship. I have a feeling that he would have been the only person I would have really bothered to speak to from home. I do feel bad I don't keep in touch with my old friends from home and I do keep tabs. But, he's a bit different. He's that person that no matter how big the fight or how heart-breaking the moment, we'd still talk to each other. We were kind of war-buddies in that sense. Gone through the bullshit and come out the other side being friends and still loving each other. God did me a huge favor of bringing him into my life. I can see many do not find people that can say they truly love someone after the shit hits the fan and then some. I suppose that's why I'll never forget him. Cuz you don't forget your first real love. You don't forget such an unbelievable friend. You don't forget that unique of a person. And its days like today that I realize that the hole in my heart I carry is a blessing in disguise. Not to have lost someone so dear but to have someone that dear in the first place. The kind of love that inspires you to be poetic, to try really hard, to dream, and be a better person. So, as I say to you every night my love, sweet dreams and I miss you more than the space between emptiness and completeness. And from our song, "I can't believe something like you could happen to me." I hope to dance with you again under the stars and feel your warmth. I love you my Lijah and always will.